Monday, September 24, 2012
Life's a beach or Bite Night
Friday 23/8
You, like me, might enjoy going to the beach to sample to the delights of sea air, sand between your toes and that marvellous feeling of just lying back on your beach towel, staring at the sky and letting your thoughts drift away into the azure vastness of it all. Except, of course, you live in England, where getting even the 30 odd miles to the coast is a military operation in itself. As soon as the sun appears, it's as if we are all taken over by some communal madness.... If it's not all the shit that needs to be piled into your car before you can even leave your drive, it's the traffic queue you immdiately join once you've reversed off, the crawl all the way there, the hunt for a parking space that cost's you an arm and both legs, and then by the time you've got onto the golden strand the sun's gone and you sit there, wrapped in your cardie being gently drizzled on. And you dropped your ice cream....
Needless to say they do things differently in the good ole US of A.....
Well, Coaster Buddy's foot is still big and bruised, so a walking round the parks is out of the question, so we decided on a road trip to the seaside to visit a place I've wanted to go since I was a small boy - Daytona Beach. We point the bus towards the Space Coast and dial up 101.1 WJRR and rock ourselves all the way there singing at the top of our lungs. And it's sunny....it's already a good day.
When we arrive there's no big traffic queue and no tiny car park filled with sand and pot holes which you can break your ankles in before you've even seen the sea. No, you pay $5 and drive straight down onto the beach - well, so long as you have the driver's window open and your headlights on natch.....
And that's it - park up grab your towel and one of the longest, most beautiful beaches in the world is your playground for the day. Ah, but it is the Atlantic I hear you say, it'll be bloody freezing. Well, it bloody isn't! It's warm and wavey enough for the Three Stooges to go hire a body board and spend the morning becoming official, bona fide surfers. I'm now tall, six-pack bronzed and unendingly cool - bow down before me mere mortals.......
After an exhausting morning of God like surfing from the boys, and pro-style sunbathing from the girls, we adjourn to the Tiki Bar for lunch where they do an amazing burger and draft beer by the jug, and have a mental DJ playing air drums and inflatable guitar along to the tunes he spinning. Actually, he looks rather like Steve Lukather and I could think of no better way to spend my time off from Toto than by kicking back in the sun and having that sort of fun.
Three jugs of beer later, we probably shouldn't be driving anywhere, but the tide is now in and everyone is going English red from too much sun and too little sun cream. It's here we make the first big mistake of the day. We let Conor decide where we're going next. And so we head off to the Canaveral National Seashore.
When we finally arrive there, we make our second mistake. Seeing a big tortoise sunning itself by the side of the road we scream "photo opportunity" and all pile out of the car. Unfortunately, this lets our nemesis of the next few days into the car - sparrow-sized mosquitos. August? Hot weather? Freshly done tourists wearing we are stupid hats? Check the lot.
So with much slapping and cursing we decided to make our third mistake of the day, and it's a doozie. A visit - on Conor's suggestion - to Mosquito lake. I kid you not..slap my arse and call me stupid.
And guess what we find there? Well duh, eagle-sized mozzies that made the previous lot look like pussies - and they've got flick knives too. We're all ravaged within seconds so we beat a hasty retreat to the barge to lick our wounds and head back to the relative safety of Orlando. That if the mozzie fuckers haven't wrecked the bus and left it a smouldering ruin on celcon blocks...
After an exhausting day we head back to Outback for dinner and to compare our bites, which are massive, red and itchy. Here's hoping tomorrow we make fewer mistakes in our trip planning!
You, like me, might enjoy going to the beach to sample to the delights of sea air, sand between your toes and that marvellous feeling of just lying back on your beach towel, staring at the sky and letting your thoughts drift away into the azure vastness of it all. Except, of course, you live in England, where getting even the 30 odd miles to the coast is a military operation in itself. As soon as the sun appears, it's as if we are all taken over by some communal madness.... If it's not all the shit that needs to be piled into your car before you can even leave your drive, it's the traffic queue you immdiately join once you've reversed off, the crawl all the way there, the hunt for a parking space that cost's you an arm and both legs, and then by the time you've got onto the golden strand the sun's gone and you sit there, wrapped in your cardie being gently drizzled on. And you dropped your ice cream....
Needless to say they do things differently in the good ole US of A.....
Well, Coaster Buddy's foot is still big and bruised, so a walking round the parks is out of the question, so we decided on a road trip to the seaside to visit a place I've wanted to go since I was a small boy - Daytona Beach. We point the bus towards the Space Coast and dial up 101.1 WJRR and rock ourselves all the way there singing at the top of our lungs. And it's sunny....it's already a good day.
And that's it - park up grab your towel and one of the longest, most beautiful beaches in the world is your playground for the day. Ah, but it is the Atlantic I hear you say, it'll be bloody freezing. Well, it bloody isn't! It's warm and wavey enough for the Three Stooges to go hire a body board and spend the morning becoming official, bona fide surfers. I'm now tall, six-pack bronzed and unendingly cool - bow down before me mere mortals.......
When we finally arrive there, we make our second mistake. Seeing a big tortoise sunning itself by the side of the road we scream "photo opportunity" and all pile out of the car. Unfortunately, this lets our nemesis of the next few days into the car - sparrow-sized mosquitos. August? Hot weather? Freshly done tourists wearing we are stupid hats? Check the lot.
So with much slapping and cursing we decided to make our third mistake of the day, and it's a doozie. A visit - on Conor's suggestion - to Mosquito lake. I kid you not..slap my arse and call me stupid.
And guess what we find there? Well duh, eagle-sized mozzies that made the previous lot look like pussies - and they've got flick knives too. We're all ravaged within seconds so we beat a hasty retreat to the barge to lick our wounds and head back to the relative safety of Orlando. That if the mozzie fuckers haven't wrecked the bus and left it a smouldering ruin on celcon blocks...
Thursday, September 06, 2012
The Sword of Damocles - Thurs 23/8
Never before, or probably ever again, will a status update on my Facebook page cause such confusion and consternation amongst its target audience. I either misjudged how intelligent my peers are, or using the term as a metaphor for looming exam results was a stretch to far. Personally I think the former.....although with all the O levels, A levels and professional qualifications between them I really expect better. I may have to revise my opinions about some of them, even though after this morning I am by far the least qualified of the party.....
Since the holiday began, today has been about just one thing. How I would have coped in the same situation will never be known but how young Caitlin Olivia Denney Morris Fenty of this parish has coped with the constant reminders of the "sword" (seriously, just go with it...) has been nothing short of amazing. I'm full of admiration but it is hardly surprising that it has been a sleepless night for parents, Godparents and student alike. Well, at least shark bait got a good night's sleep.
None of this is helped by the ignorant wankers next door who decided thar singing by their pool until two in the morning was something all the other holiday makers would appreciate. Morris Senior soon put the arsesholes in their place....
And then at 6.00 ish our time the news is in. Our beautiful, funny and extremely nice goddaughter is also officially clever. 10 GCSEs even including Spanish, which bearing in mind the only word she could remember is "Scorchio" is really saying something. Actually, I've been informed it's 10 1/2 O levels but must confess that I can't get my head round half an O level - is that like a "C"?.....Ok, I'll get my coat..................
With relief palpable all around, it's entirely up to Miss Morris what we do today. So, no surprise to those who know her, we go shopping. Downtown Disney here we come..
Unfortunately before we leave, disaster strikes! During a heated game of pool in the garage, a piece of the pool table, possibly previously loosened by Master Morris, falls off and strikes Caitlin on the foot! To say that wasn't what was needed today, or any day in fact, is an understatement. We have no option however, but to bandage the foot up, issue painkillers and make a fist of it. Shopping here we come!
So we do the biggest Disney shop in the world, and the enormous lego shop, and more Disney...before it's off to the Florida mall and some serious gift hunting. Pandora gets a visit, and a small token of our love & pride for a certain young lady is purchased. After an hours or two there it's with aching feet (more so for some!) we head off back to the villa before heading out for a celebratory meal, rather brilliantly in Celebration. Perhaps the stars are aligned.....
It would be fair to say that Cakie, for her special dinner, had chosen not only one of my favourite places on the planet to go to celebrate her exam results, but also what is my favourite place in my, errr, favourite place.
The Celebration Town Tavern is just perfect. It doesn't try to be anything other than a brilliant American Bar & Restaurant. There's nothing poncey here. A choice of 99 bottled beers, various excellent drafts including their own ale and then the best of what America has to offer - brilliant seafood and anything from a cow. It's just superb. And it's within these hallowed walls that I get to eat the best meal of my life...
The thing is, it's so simple. Prime rib, broccoli and mashed potato. Oh, and some sort of gravy stuff, but it is marvellous, I've never had a better piece of meat in my life. It was amazing. Id I ever have food that good again it will be a blessed day!
The perfect end to a stressful, eventful but ultimately successful day, the rest of the holiday should be a breeze.
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Blustery Days, Space Ships and the return of Chef Ken - Wed 22/8
I love street names in America, they seem so much more imaginative than at home. Rather than the boring street names we have - Fenton Close, The Birches, Southborough Lane etc....we have Reedy Creek Blvd, Alligator Creek Bus Stop, Orange Blossom Trail, all lovely, lovely names. And now we can add Sherbet Dib Dab Road to that list. A brilliant little road this is. It's basically a "known to locals only" short cut avoiding the US 192 and bringing you in to Disney from the other side. Brilliant, and just 10 minutes door to door to the Magic Kingdom is an excellent bonus.
Which is good really, as our first visit to the park in three years is going to be a packed affair - including hopefully catching up with a long lost family member....
But first there's Peter Pan, not done for 23 years and no doubt excellent for the younger members of some families; Space Mountain, again 23 years to return as it was unbelievably being refurbed last time we were here, and it is still good, very good. Then a wander round and some character photos before the nervousness creeps in ahead of our lunch at the Plaza Restaurant and a possible reunion with a man who made or visit to Magic Kingdom so memorable last time.
Yes, three years ago, due a certain member of the Morris household having a nut allergy, we were introduced to the irrepressible Chef Ken who quickly announced us as his new british family and just as quickly won a place in our hearts. So as we took our places three years on, and were presented with the allergy book again, we all had our fingers crossed that Chef Ken was still the main man and would be out to prepare our meals for us. We watched the kitchen door like Hawks, and then much to our delight the door swung open and out came our long missed friend. "KEN!" we all shouted at the same time! The whole restaurant drop silent and a rather bemused Ken saw us and started grinning from ear to ear. "You the guys who got me where I am today!" Turns out he got a special award thanks to all the great comments punters have made about him over his 32 years at Disney. He was certain however, that it was all down to us! What a lovely man! And the food was huge and excellent as always, of particular note the desserts; enormous cheesecake portion (sensibly shared by Moz & Caitlin);
massive chocolate brownies (not sensibly shared as Conor insisted on his own portion, which was enough for three)
and this marvellous ice cream creation which sum up what this restaurant is all about..........
After that lot is was amazing we could still move, let alone face anymore food today, but there were more rides to do, and no one was going to do them for us. There was Winnie the Pooh (worst queue for anything EVER!); Lilo and Stitch (just the worst ride ever, other than perhaps Caitlin's favourite - it's a Small World) and then more shopping before home for the day.
Despite our ever expanding belts, we decided to visit Carrabas again, and had another great meal, even if almost all of us had the same as we had before, and then it was time for a cab ride home. And who should pick us up? None other than big Jimbo with an update on the situation with Frank. Seems he was at hospital for tests as he's virtually tee total and never smoked anything in his life...
Jimbo was also able to give us an update on the imminent arrival of Hurricane Issac. "Shit man, it's only a category 1, I can piss harder than that". For all your whether news don't forget to stay tuned!
Which is good really, as our first visit to the park in three years is going to be a packed affair - including hopefully catching up with a long lost family member....
But first there's Peter Pan, not done for 23 years and no doubt excellent for the younger members of some families; Space Mountain, again 23 years to return as it was unbelievably being refurbed last time we were here, and it is still good, very good. Then a wander round and some character photos before the nervousness creeps in ahead of our lunch at the Plaza Restaurant and a possible reunion with a man who made or visit to Magic Kingdom so memorable last time.
Yes, three years ago, due a certain member of the Morris household having a nut allergy, we were introduced to the irrepressible Chef Ken who quickly announced us as his new british family and just as quickly won a place in our hearts. So as we took our places three years on, and were presented with the allergy book again, we all had our fingers crossed that Chef Ken was still the main man and would be out to prepare our meals for us. We watched the kitchen door like Hawks, and then much to our delight the door swung open and out came our long missed friend. "KEN!" we all shouted at the same time! The whole restaurant drop silent and a rather bemused Ken saw us and started grinning from ear to ear. "You the guys who got me where I am today!" Turns out he got a special award thanks to all the great comments punters have made about him over his 32 years at Disney. He was certain however, that it was all down to us! What a lovely man! And the food was huge and excellent as always, of particular note the desserts; enormous cheesecake portion (sensibly shared by Moz & Caitlin);
massive chocolate brownies (not sensibly shared as Conor insisted on his own portion, which was enough for three)
and this marvellous ice cream creation which sum up what this restaurant is all about..........
Despite our ever expanding belts, we decided to visit Carrabas again, and had another great meal, even if almost all of us had the same as we had before, and then it was time for a cab ride home. And who should pick us up? None other than big Jimbo with an update on the situation with Frank. Seems he was at hospital for tests as he's virtually tee total and never smoked anything in his life...
Jimbo was also able to give us an update on the imminent arrival of Hurricane Issac. "Shit man, it's only a category 1, I can piss harder than that". For all your whether news don't forget to stay tuned!
Monday, September 03, 2012
The Looser the Waistband - Tues 20/08
As Sir Mix-a-lot once said “I like big butts and I can not lie, you other brothers can’t deny….”. Well, he should whisk himself down to Florida Florida adults being overweight and 23.30% of those clinically obese, it looks like Florida
Having had a lazy day yesterday we are all up bright and early for a trip to a new park for us all; Disney’s Animal Kingdom. With two of our party having previously been to Kenya for a proper safari, and with my only other experience of such being in Windsor – the highlight of which was a Monkey shitting on our car bonnet – my hopes aren’t high for a memorable day. I couldn’t have been more wrong……
One of the reasons for such an early start was the African Animal Safari. We were told to do it early for two reasons: 1) It’s very popular and 2) once it heats up, all the Animals fuck off. So early it is then…
And as we lumber around on the far-too-authentic rickety bus, we get to see every kind of African animal possible; Giraffes – both Reticulated and Saharan – (which I now know is the fastest land animal in the world because an American bloke behind me said so. I wish I’d gone to school in America
Further great animals followed once we’d finished the ride – A huge butted greyback gorilla who definitely mooned us (with his huge, big butt), the cutest little baby gorilla who made us all go “ahhhaa”, beautiful Tigers, Corobus Monkeys (who seemed to have both free reign of the park and particularly ugly, big butts), loads of different birds and rather brilliantly a huge komodo dragon which lead Moz to tell Conor “There’s more deadly bacteria in its mouth than up your butt”. Quite…
Of course, no park in Orlando
Rather oddly, even while we’re not looking at animals, the big butt theme continues with some of the most enormous posteriors known to man putting on a show – even the big greyback has nothing on some of these booties….
The evening gets off to a truly excellent start when Conor, full of the exuberance and joys of youth, completely stacks it getting into the cab. I would have picked him up but I was laughing too much.
We’ve decided to go posh for tea tonight, and what could be more posh than the intriguingly named Red Lobster restaurant? I’m not sure what to expect, but I hear they do a nice crab dinner.
Not only is the place far more upmarket than I was expecting, turns out the food is excellent too, much nicer than I would expect from a chain. Several of us have the Lobster tail, Scallops and Shrimps, and it’s exactly like the picture in the menu, not like McDonald’s at all (apologies for in joke there folks!) A few nice glasses of vino slip down to to bring an already excellent day to a big butted end.
Sunday, September 02, 2012
Winter Park in 95F - Mon 20/8
Rules is rules - and if anyone likes a good rule more than us Brits, it's the Americans. So when we arrived at our Villa and the rules stated "Quiet Time 10PM - 8AM" we nodded sagely and knew it would be observed flawlessly - even by Conor...............
So how come we're all woken this morning by some right noisy feckers next door having a pool party at seven in the morning? Surely they must be French or something to so blatantly ignore the rules? No, they're bloody English, and they're really fucking loud - Moz is apoplectic - this ain't gonna end well...
With everyone knackered from a big day yesterday we decide to chill out and do what we do best - shopping, lunch and a leisurely boat trip. To this end we head of to historic, and rather ironically named Winter Park, for some posh shopping. Unfortunately it would be more than fair to say that it's a right snooty place, full of poncey little shops and French Patisseries - run by gay Frenchmen we are later told - and really isn't the place for combat shorts, back to front baseball caps and AC/DC shirts, and that was just Paula. I won't shop in any place that makes me ring a bell first so they can check me out before they let me in, these are $500 sunglasses don't you know!!??
Luckily in all this toss we find a little oasis of cool - 310 Park South - a top little restaurant that doesn't bat an eyelid at our disheveled appearance and quickly has us seated with designer beers and the ubiquitous Diet Coke and Sprite for the younger members of the team.
The food is excellent - my steak sarine and fries is sublime, the Old Bay flavoured fish sandwich fabulous, and the Club sandwich was enormous - and all served with a good eye for detail and presentation. No wonder the place is packed. To be honest, I could have sat there all day drinking beer and watching Americans gossip but there's a boat trip to take don'tcha know?
The boat trip takes us round three big lakes - Osceola, Virgina and Maitland and all of them have one thing in common, mahoosive houses on the shore front that you couldn't even afford to step onto their boat docks...some seriously impressive real estate - just not necessarily very interesting....it would have been fine if you were even vaguely native to the area, but honestly loads of big houses owned by people you never heard gets a bit tedious. Except for one story about the New York socialite in the 20's who moved here and had an industrial meat freezer fitted in her house to keep her fur coats in to stop them molting......
It's been a really hot one and as nobody fancies going out for dinner we decide to fall back on one of our favourite American dinners - Michael Angelo's frozen pasta. Pasta so good Lisa swears she'd pass it off as her own - no arguments from me there. It's a good end to a very hot, and possibly too relaxed a day, but no doubt tomorrow will be more exciting :-)
So how come we're all woken this morning by some right noisy feckers next door having a pool party at seven in the morning? Surely they must be French or something to so blatantly ignore the rules? No, they're bloody English, and they're really fucking loud - Moz is apoplectic - this ain't gonna end well...
With everyone knackered from a big day yesterday we decide to chill out and do what we do best - shopping, lunch and a leisurely boat trip. To this end we head of to historic, and rather ironically named Winter Park, for some posh shopping. Unfortunately it would be more than fair to say that it's a right snooty place, full of poncey little shops and French Patisseries - run by gay Frenchmen we are later told - and really isn't the place for combat shorts, back to front baseball caps and AC/DC shirts, and that was just Paula. I won't shop in any place that makes me ring a bell first so they can check me out before they let me in, these are $500 sunglasses don't you know!!??
Luckily in all this toss we find a little oasis of cool - 310 Park South - a top little restaurant that doesn't bat an eyelid at our disheveled appearance and quickly has us seated with designer beers and the ubiquitous Diet Coke and Sprite for the younger members of the team.
The food is excellent - my steak sarine and fries is sublime, the Old Bay flavoured fish sandwich fabulous, and the Club sandwich was enormous - and all served with a good eye for detail and presentation. No wonder the place is packed. To be honest, I could have sat there all day drinking beer and watching Americans gossip but there's a boat trip to take don'tcha know?
The boat trip takes us round three big lakes - Osceola, Virgina and Maitland and all of them have one thing in common, mahoosive houses on the shore front that you couldn't even afford to step onto their boat docks...some seriously impressive real estate - just not necessarily very interesting....it would have been fine if you were even vaguely native to the area, but honestly loads of big houses owned by people you never heard gets a bit tedious. Except for one story about the New York socialite in the 20's who moved here and had an industrial meat freezer fitted in her house to keep her fur coats in to stop them molting......
It's been a really hot one and as nobody fancies going out for dinner we decide to fall back on one of our favourite American dinners - Michael Angelo's frozen pasta. Pasta so good Lisa swears she'd pass it off as her own - no arguments from me there. It's a good end to a very hot, and possibly too relaxed a day, but no doubt tomorrow will be more exciting :-)
Saturday, September 01, 2012
Unicorns & Rocket - Sun 19 Aug
Sometimes you just get a film, or a book or a picture on the wall; sometimes it seems to speak to you in a way that goes to the very core of your soul and makes a deep, lifelong impression on you. Sometimes it becomes part of your very being.....
Or that all could be complete bullshit - but it's definitely fair to say that I rather like the film Despicable Me. So when I found out there was a new ride at Universal dedicated to this masterpiece, a big grin spread across my face - this will be good, and contain Minions.....
So, Sunday dawns sunny and hot, - quelle surprise - but we all decided on a lie in before a day out at Universal and, for me at least, the two rides of the holiday I'm most excited about: Despicable Me and the immense looking Rollercoaster The Rocket.
Knowing how popular it's been proving to be, we thought a 50 minute to see the Minions wasn't going to be too bad. There's video screens showing clips and questions to answer so the first 20 minutes or so are fine - the next hour though gets a bit repetitious.....but God is it worth it! A simulated rollercoaster ride through Gru's lair with millions of Minions, explosions, drops, twists and errr....Minions and explosions we are all grinning from ear to ear when the ride finishes - this is bound to be a highlight of the trip.....
As for The Rocket, this has been a ride with an agonising three year queue for us all, as last time we were here it only officially opened on the last day of our visit and then had a four hour wait for a chance to, possibly, not actually get on it. So 20 minutes sir? Fuck yeah! To say that this ride doesn't disappoint is an understatement.............
After a vertical climb 17 - yes 17 stories straight up, you're looped up, down and sideways at 65 MPH all while having your favourite rock song blasting in your ears (for the record I chose ZZ Top..) and your stomach almost removed from your body - it was incredible. What did I say about Despicable Me? A further visit to this is an absolute must once Mozza's spine unkinks......
When you've had such a disappointing meal the night before there's really only one option to purge the memory - go back to somewhere you loved - in this case the Aussie steakfest of the Outback..
Despite their Kids menu being called "Joey Kids Menu" which will cause a chuckle amongst those of us of a certain age, this really is a top notch place - why can't we have one over here?
After fancying ribs last night, and only getting third rate chicken nuggets, the only thing to plump for here is the full rack of baby back with a side order of mashed potato. And it is good, quite simply the best ribs any of us have ever tasted. To say they fell apart would be doing them a disservice, more tender than a soft-boiled egg, and just fabulous tasting. And the thing is, all this costs about £15 a head, not the £25 to £30 at home, and is twice as good (at least). Why can't we match this in the UK? I just don't get it...
So stuffed with meat, and still grinning from ear to ear we head home ready to face another day of shopping and food!
