Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Florida 2018 - Part 3
And so the question on all of your lips now is “Well, how did K Morris esquire lose his cowboy hat?” And the only answer I can give to that my friends is this: Through complete stupidity...
We need to rewind a little first through, and recall the minor inconvenience we had with Sixt when picking up our car. It went a little like this:
KM: We’re here to pick up our car (hands over papers)
Sixt: Marvellous (taps on computer) We’d like to offer you an upgrade. For just $10 extra a day we can sit you in a 30ft long battle-tank with 2,000bhp.
KM & LR: Let’s go and see...
30 mins later...
KM & LR return: No way, that’s too fucking big, we’ll stick with our Merc GLC please.
Sixt: Let me get that sorted for you...
20 mins later...
Sixt: There’s a small problem here. Your Merc GLC has been returned, but it’s come back needing a service...
And that’s how we ended up getting a free upgrade to The Beast...
“Alright Bucko, but when’s the stupidity going to happen?” You ask, obviously now on tenterhooks. Now, my friends, right now...
So, car sorted, we all drag our luggage and duty free down to the parking garage to load up The Beast for our journey to Clearwater. Now, there are a group of people in this world, who we shall refer to as fucking numpties, who insist on reverse parking into any space they see, presumably because they are too stupid to reverse back out. This causes a couple of problems for normal people some of which are: 5) It makes getting back into your correctly parked car extremely difficult unless you are a limbo dancer and 3) The boot is always jammed up against the front (or boot, if someone shares your numpty tendencies...) of another vehicle, making loading your shopping, or mahoosive holiday suitcases, rucksacks, hand luggage, kitchen sink etc etc that you may wish to load in a fucking pain in the bellend.
With the trunk lid up, I bang my head trying to load my suitcases. This is because I’m quite tall. Moz also bangs his head. This is because his hat is quite tall, so he removes it and puts it to one side. Loaded up, we climb into the car (literally, Lisa needs an orange box to get in...) and we’re on our way. As we exit the car park, we notice the Merc GLC we had originally hired, parked, front first, as, indeed is the correct way into a parking space. From here, it looks like nothing is wrong with it, and perhaps all that is required is actually a service. However, the fact that the whole front end is in the space next to it is rather a giveaway that it’s going to take more than some T-Cut and elbow grease to sort that fucker out...
“For fuck’s sake Bucko, has the stupidity happened yet? Geez you haven’t even left the airport yet!” It has, but bear with me, coz we don’t know yet...
We drive a lovely 40 minutes to Clearwater, one of our favourite spots on the Gulf. As we are unloading the car, Moz says “Shit, has anybody seen my hat?”...
And that folks, is the story of how my good friend Mr Morris succeeded in transporting his prized cowboy hat 4,500 miles from Swanley to Tampa, before failing miserably by placing it on a post behind our car, and driving 60 miles into the sunset. Conor Morris, king of losing shit, would indeed be proud...
# posted by Bucko! @ 4:00 PM 
