Thursday, May 31, 2018
Florida 2018 - Part 5
A few additional thoughts picked up on this, and previous trips to the US:
Americans have no concept of size, be it portions of food, cars, their waistlines or indeed the utter scale of their own country. We were constantly asked where we were from and as soon as we said “London” we got bombarded with bollocks such as:
“You must know my niece, she’s at RADA.” Apparently “And?” wasn’t the answer he was expecting.
“Oh my aunt lives in Cambridge!!” Apparently “And?” wasn’t the correct answer to that one either.
“My friends live in Scotland!!” Apparently “FFS!! It’s a different fucking country love!” wasn’t right for that one either…
I get it - to an extent. Florida itself is 30% bigger than England, and it’s road network is so good a couple of hundred miles is pretty much next door, there and back in a day territory. But show me one person in England who has sent their kids off to Uni who thinks 200 miles is “just down the road.” One girls even told me her mum being a 3 hour flight away was “not too bad.” That’s about 1,500 miles in old money. She just didn’t seem to comprehend that for us that got us to a different continent. I did have to explain the concept of continents to her of course, as she had never left the States before…
I should point out that most of the people were genuinely lovely, just trying to make conversation and hear our “fabulous accents.” (WTF? Dartford Loop anyone?) I said most of course, because RADA guy for one thing was a right cunt.
Royal wedding. G’zuz Christ on a fucking bike. I honestly lost track of the number of people who were so excited about the wedding and how wonderful it all was, now the Royal Family will be American. Worst of it all though, was it was ME they kept wanting to share their exhuberism with. Of course I’m more excited about the wedding than…than…than EXACTLY NO ONE!! When I told one mixed race lady that I honestly didn’t give a flying fuck about it, she looked shocked and said “But look, there’s now a woman like me in the Royal Family, they’re so much more inclusive now than they used to be!” When I pointed out that they have never been inclusive, and that that won’t change anytime soon, she gave me a look liked I’d pissed on her chips and went away in a huff. Job done, I believe.
The Letter E. You may never have noticed but the Yanks have a rather odd relationship with the letter E. On the one hand, they seem to think that adding one to the end of certain words gives them additional cachet of some sort. It’s never shops, but shoppes. It’s never grill but grille. And it’s never old but olde. I simply cant help it, but I have to pronounce the extra ‘e’, so when I saw a sign that read ‘Ye Olde Shoppes and Grille’ my head almost exploded.
On the other hand, they seem to hate words ending in E. Theater not Theatre, Fiber not Fibre, Center not Centre. Meter, liter, luster, manoeuver, oh, you get my drift… I wish they’d make their fucking minds up - wankres.
Lobster (and other seafood). Ah Lobster, that rare expensive delicacy you’ve probably only ordered when you’ve one the lottery, or someone else is paying. The tail meat is so pricey here that most lobster dishes you eat are probably made with claw meat (still very good, but can be chopped up and therefore go further, unlike the tail, which you want served whole, on the shell, drenched in lemon a garlic butter.) For just $10 you can have a whole lobster tail in a Po’boy roll and chips, as your fucking lunch. Ten bucks…hell, they have so much lobster here they even use it to stuff other shit. I had Flounder stuffed with crab and lobster for $20. A popular starter is shrimp (more of that later…) stuffed with lobster and crab. FFS! Lobster - the Coley of Florida.
Shrimp is possibly even more ridiculous. Show an American what we call shrimp in England and he’ll laugh and say “How cute, baby shrimp! Now where’s the real fucking deal?” See, in the US Shrimp is the generic term for anything we’d call prawns, scampi, king prawns, langoustine etc etc, but is pretty much always what we’d call a king prawn, but bigger. They’re huge, and unlike here, cheap. I had the shrimp dinner in one restaurant and it was ten shrimp, all the size of a baby’s fist, with fries, salad and sauce of choice for $18. Where in the UK would you even get them as a main course?
And don’t get me started on crab. UK crabs, those sad little things served dressed in the shell from the fish man outside the pub - fuck that. These are Snow crab, Stone crab, King crab, Blue crab. You buy them by the pound and they bring up a fucking alien. Perhaps it should just show you the picture below…
And finally Oysters. SKOB do 12 for $7 in happy hour, anyway you want them. 12. A dozen. For $7 dollars. That’s £5. Five fucking quid. Words fail me.
# posted by Bucko! @ 9:47 AM 
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