Saturday, September 23, 2017
Zante 2017 - Not part 4
Zante 2017 - FFS NOT PART 4
Note: lack of promised CIA funds to protect the guilty has lead to code names being used throughout this article.
Venue: Halfway House
Date: lunchtime, probably Thursday
Attendees: SK, DT, ST, MW, SG, Me, LR, TK
Security Level: Mild Gossip
Me: they made you dress as what?
SK: Leprechauns, it was very funny!
Me: it sounds like staff abuse to me, and vaguely racist.
SK: no, no, it wasn't racist, they made the Irish girl do it to! *mimes handing out leaflets* it was very, very funny (less conviction this time) I had a big head…
SG: I don't get it, how do you dress as a lesbian?
SK: *less sure now* no, not lesbian, leprechaun *mimes Irish jig, potcheen drinking and falling over*
DT: well short hair and DMs for a start…
SK: no, not les…
ST: …and dungarees, probably oil stained from their job in a garage…
SK: …bian *seeming rather unsure where conversation has gone*
SG: it just seems strange making you dress as lesbians, is it a gay bar?
SK: leprechaun, you know…*weak smile*
MW: fucking lesbians, what's wrong with just liking a bit of cock?
LR: why did you have a big head?
SK: *long, long pause, then quietly, pleading* you know Leprechaun…
TK: look at this video of SK teaching a mate to ski! *cue video of man falling arse over tit down ski slope*
SK: leprechaun…
And you're all moaning that I'm not doing a blog…
But look, you're here now, and we hit a bit of pregnant pause last time, so…
The Pikey Viking AKA Rag ‘n’ Bone Man, part two, and what a cunt he proves to be…
So, we’re all meeting at 19.00 sharp at the Contessina bar, as per. But boy, is it packed tonight, and we’re restricted to sitting in the NW corner of the bar, only just avoiding the ignominy of the pondy Pringles and Doritos display.
Luckily, there is an large gap on the west side so I go plonk myself down - right next to R’n’B man. Now, being a happy-go-lucky fella and generally, as I know you'll all agree, geniality personified, I say “hi” to the bloke and “how’s it going?”. I simply get grunted at, and have some beer drunkenly slopped over me. Fine, no bother. SG has summoned me away to the other side of the bar with the promise of a comfy chair and a good time, and I leave the troglodyte to his own musings…
So, now to the fun bit. Our seating plan ends up thus: I'm at the undesirable NW corner of the bar, with SG to my left, and DT to my right. Then running down the W side away from me are LR and MW, with a gap to our Viking god. So far, so meh. Unluckily for ST, she is last to arrive,and we all joke that as last down she has to take one for the team and suffer the wrath of our new friend. However, it soon becomes clear that this approach is not going to work…
Initially we’re all laughing at ST’s discomfort, but it soon becomes clear that there is a nasty edge to what's happening a few stools down. You know, ST is a strong girl doing and fantastic job for a major UK organisation, so she can most certainly handle herself, but she seems most uncomfortable. As do MW and LR. Where I'm sitting I can't quite hear what is going on, but all the girls look pretty pissed off.
As it's a fair list of misdemeanours I'll summarise:
He made sexual references to all three girls, regarding both looks and body shape.
He offered to show at least one of them his cock, while rubbing his groin suggestively.
He decided, without being asked, to join in our little “chink before drink” game, but being so drunk he ended up throwing his beer all over the bar and Sot.
A couple of minutes after the beer incident he decided it would be hilarious to whack ST on her arm as she was about to take a drink, covering her in wine. He just laughed and said “That's what I do when I'm out with me mates.”
Out with your mates? You're a 32 year old bloke on holiday with your mum and dad. Undoubtedly you don't have any mates and if you did I'm pretty certain stunts like that would have you sitting on your own again in quite short order, you complete and utter waste on DNA.
Of course we complained about his behaviour and weren't surprised to find out we weren't the first. As the week went on he got worse, causing an unfortunate older lady to spill her tea all over herself, being exceedingly rude to the bar staff and eventually earning himself a ban from the bar. Oh how we laughed when we found out he had already been barred from several other bar including Two Brothers and Drunk Moon, but most surprisingly Jolly Roger! He was actually banned from Jolly Roger 😳😳😳. I cannot even comprehend how awful his behaviour must have been for that to happen.
Fortunately his appearances during our stay were rather limited and didn't prevent the usual shenanigans of Raki, Ouzo and Baby Guinness shots from the lovely Sot, stories of derring-do in Austria and whether it was a wet or dry summer for all our favourite Greek boys (😂😂😂) being discussed in far too much detail but that, of course would all appear in a blog, which of course I'm not doing. And so, till next time…
# posted by Bucko! @ 2:03 AM 
