Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Kefalonia 2017 - part 3
Kefalonia 2017 - part 3
There are, of course, three sides to every story, and the other side is that the incidents leading to Poolgate were the straw that broke the camel’s back for the complainants. Information from our source, who, due to stringent Interpol security regulations we shall refer to as Mr China Crisis, brings the story forward. Whilst claiming not to be patient zero himself, our source revealed that the initial problem arose due to their room being rather unfortunately positioned between several members of the Birmingham Massive. Sitting on their balcony trying to enjoy the evening sun, and possibly a rosé coloured evening libation or two had been made impossible by the cat calls from balconies around them, from the banal “I didn't know you were into helping wildlife Kevin till we saw you with that beached whale last night” to the bizarre “Dennis stop peeing off the balcony onto uncle Roger” and the downright disturbing “has anyone got the fanny itch cream coz my gash is raw?”
This pales into insignificance though, compared to the antics of two members of the massive, who due to reporting restrictions currently in place in the Ionion Pelagos we shall refer to as the Real Fat Slags. Our reporter, now wearing a false moustache and glasses combo, for fear Interpol’s notoriously leaky security may have exposed his identity, files as follows:
“Me and Mrs……………(name redacted on MI5 orders) were enjoying a quiet brew yesterday morning when the girl in he room next to us, Sandra (not real name) yells across where we are sitting to her mate the other side, the following exchange occurring:
Oi, Tray!
What is it San?
Well fuck me if I ain't just turned meself inside fucking out!
Hahaha, fuck me San, whatcha fucking gone and done?
I've only gone and laid the biggest fucking log you've seen in your life, its massive!
Oh San, hahaha, a right massive floater is it?
Nah, Tray, so massive it's half way up the back of the pan and blocking the u-bend!! Robert Plant could live on royalties for a year out of this, come and see!!
*sound of doors opening and closing*
Oh my fucking giddy aunt San, I ain't seen nothing like it since the gastric flu epidemic at the old people’s home in ‘89! Covered in shit from head to toe for days they were. To be fair they said I shouldn't be in if I was ill.
I remember it well Tray, you were fucking that Baz round he back of Argos and went off like a fucking burst water main. Baz thought you were having an orgasm, he just start pumping more and more furiously and it just kept fucking pouring out!
Yeah, happy days San, happy days…
So Tray, what the fuck am I to do with this beast then?
Well, only one thing for it San, put a fucking leash on it and take it for a walk.
Hahahaha
Hahahaha…
Our source, by now in trench coat and dark glasses, reported that the Massive then proceeded to follow him to the beach, on to a taverna for lunch and finally to a bar where he was surrounded. His current whereabouts are unknown…
# posted by Bucko! @ 6:13 AM 
