Sunday, October 08, 2006
Gym Karma
There are certain things that all of us like to do to relax or wind down or just get away from it all. Some people like a nice cup of tea, some people do yoga, some people like to knock one out whilst perusing a copy of Butt ‘n’ Bush. I like to go to the gym and just switch off from it all for a couple of hours. I put my headphones on, crank up the metal, and run until I’ve forgotten what I went in there for. And for pure convenience there’s nowhere better to run than in my local gym.
Now, I’ve been going to my current gym for almost four years now and like a favourite overcoat or old pair of shoes it fits just so. You get used to the layout, get used to the staff, get used to the other punters. It’s a place you feel you know like an old friend and feel you fit into like a comfy old armchair. Such places are good for your karma.
Like many of you who have a favourite seat on the train, or like a particular place to buy your cheese and pickle at lunchtime, I have a favourite running machine. It’s the one behind the blue post, and others shun it because you can’t see the TV screens when you’re running on it. I like it for that very reason and for several years we have both been very happy with the arrangement. Then there’s the rowing machine with the seat that unless you sit on it just so will jam halfway back, leading to you doing very short strokes – something out friend with Butt ‘n’ Bush would know all about. And of course there’s the water fountain that unless you put your bottle under it first takes great pleasure in soaking you all around you nether regions. All familiar, all comfortable, all comforting.
But since I returned from holiday things have not been the same………
Monday afternoon and after a hard morning emailing my friends it’s off to Fitness Exchange and a nice refreshing 5 mile run. But what’s this? Overnight my gym is no longer a Fitness Exchange but a Fitness First. Overnight the manager has gone to be replaced by a keen young girl. Overnight every single piece of equipment has been replaced by spanking spangley new ones. My old, familiar, friendly even, running machine has gone. I’m puzzled by this, but no worries, five miles is five miles and no mistake. Just set the machine at 8 MPH and off you go. Five miles later you get off. But oh, no……………these shiny shiny button bright improved new running machines, although proudly made in the U S of A are in metric…….
No problem, I’ll just set it for miles…………nope, reset-up-down-enter doesn’t work anymore. Ok……so, no problems 8 x 1.6 is er………..12.8 ok so that’s my speed, but I haven’t been for a couple of weeks so need to start at 7MPH which is errrrr………..and then sprint the last 2/10th of a mile which is how much of a kilometre at 11MPH which is……..oh fuck………..
You think that’s bad – try working 195lbs out in your head as kilograms.....
I try and put all this out of my mind and just run but the machine seems too fast, it seems to be going up hill and I seem knackered after five minutes and I just can’t switch off. I don’t do kilometres. I run miles at so many per minute, all the routes I run and the pace I need to be on is imperial, and the only metric distance I ever run is 10K but I pace it in miles. 4 miles at 8MPH and 2.25 at 9. Simple and easy.
I must tell you; this has seriously affected my peace of mind. If I can’t get this sorted either in my head or on the machine I might just go mad and explode in fit of pent up anger. Pencils may well be broken. Worst of all though, I’m supposed to have started my training for the marathon and this has really thrown me. It really has stopped me concentrating properly on getting set for it. But hold on, what is this a chink of light perhaps?
There appears to be one thing on the machine that's still Imperial. Yep, no KiloJoules of energy burnt running kilometres on these babies, oh no, it’s still calories. Somewhere in the silicon chip that pass for a brain in this machine, it’s doing the opposite of me – it’s converting bloody miles in frickin’ K’s. Bastard! Well, you have not heard the last of this, Bucko! is on a mission to get his miles back and once I’ve figured out how, I’ll hopefully get my Gym Karma back and the world will be well. Watch this space…..and chill man.
Now, I’ve been going to my current gym for almost four years now and like a favourite overcoat or old pair of shoes it fits just so. You get used to the layout, get used to the staff, get used to the other punters. It’s a place you feel you know like an old friend and feel you fit into like a comfy old armchair. Such places are good for your karma.
Like many of you who have a favourite seat on the train, or like a particular place to buy your cheese and pickle at lunchtime, I have a favourite running machine. It’s the one behind the blue post, and others shun it because you can’t see the TV screens when you’re running on it. I like it for that very reason and for several years we have both been very happy with the arrangement. Then there’s the rowing machine with the seat that unless you sit on it just so will jam halfway back, leading to you doing very short strokes – something out friend with Butt ‘n’ Bush would know all about. And of course there’s the water fountain that unless you put your bottle under it first takes great pleasure in soaking you all around you nether regions. All familiar, all comfortable, all comforting.
But since I returned from holiday things have not been the same………
Monday afternoon and after a hard morning emailing my friends it’s off to Fitness Exchange and a nice refreshing 5 mile run. But what’s this? Overnight my gym is no longer a Fitness Exchange but a Fitness First. Overnight the manager has gone to be replaced by a keen young girl. Overnight every single piece of equipment has been replaced by spanking spangley new ones. My old, familiar, friendly even, running machine has gone. I’m puzzled by this, but no worries, five miles is five miles and no mistake. Just set the machine at 8 MPH and off you go. Five miles later you get off. But oh, no……………these shiny shiny button bright improved new running machines, although proudly made in the U S of A are in metric…….
No problem, I’ll just set it for miles…………nope, reset-up-down-enter doesn’t work anymore. Ok……so, no problems 8 x 1.6 is er………..12.8 ok so that’s my speed, but I haven’t been for a couple of weeks so need to start at 7MPH which is errrrr………..and then sprint the last 2/10th of a mile which is how much of a kilometre at 11MPH which is……..oh fuck………..
You think that’s bad – try working 195lbs out in your head as kilograms.....
I try and put all this out of my mind and just run but the machine seems too fast, it seems to be going up hill and I seem knackered after five minutes and I just can’t switch off. I don’t do kilometres. I run miles at so many per minute, all the routes I run and the pace I need to be on is imperial, and the only metric distance I ever run is 10K but I pace it in miles. 4 miles at 8MPH and 2.25 at 9. Simple and easy.
I must tell you; this has seriously affected my peace of mind. If I can’t get this sorted either in my head or on the machine I might just go mad and explode in fit of pent up anger. Pencils may well be broken. Worst of all though, I’m supposed to have started my training for the marathon and this has really thrown me. It really has stopped me concentrating properly on getting set for it. But hold on, what is this a chink of light perhaps?
There appears to be one thing on the machine that's still Imperial. Yep, no KiloJoules of energy burnt running kilometres on these babies, oh no, it’s still calories. Somewhere in the silicon chip that pass for a brain in this machine, it’s doing the opposite of me – it’s converting bloody miles in frickin’ K’s. Bastard! Well, you have not heard the last of this, Bucko! is on a mission to get his miles back and once I’ve figured out how, I’ll hopefully get my Gym Karma back and the world will be well. Watch this space…..and chill man.
# posted by Bucko! @ 9:44 AM 
