Bucko's World

“Sign, sign everywhere a sign,
Blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind,
Do this, don’t do that can’t you read the sign?”

So said the Five Man Electrical Band on their “hit” record back in the far away 1970’s, which I’m sure some of you remember better than others…but it still holds true today. We seem to be so regularly confronted by pointless, nonsensical and often completely inaccurate signs that it’s hardly surprising that we’ are frequently left tearing our hair out having thought we were doing as the sign said, only to realise it had the opposite meaning…..

Mostly it’s a language thing. In America for instance, a country separated from us by a common language, a young English couple were approached by a cop and asked why they were parked by a sign on the slip road to a freeway. The explanation was a sign saying “Do not Pass” which they though meant they were heading on to the wrong carriageway. Our “No Overtaking” sign could be just as confusing to visitors who would puzzle over the red car, black car thing – Why isn’t a warning triangle with No Overtaking written in it the better solution? Pathetic.




And how about this, again from the Yanks? No Outlet is simply a Dead End. Why not just say that? It’s moronic. I’ll hold my hands up here though. For some stupid fucking reason we use the frog term “Cul-de-sac” which has the literal translation of “Arse of a bag” – honestly, I’m not making this up. No wonder people get confused. Even though it does mean you can laugh at all those Surrey Stockbroker types when they tell you they live in one…..




And here’s one all the way from Australia. Do you know what it means? No, nor do I. Apparently it’s an unspecified caution! Marvellous! So long as that is clear then. I’m worried you spend so much time looking for what it’s warning you about that you’ll drive straight in to it.







Hand signs can have the same affect. We often circle our thumb and index finger to indicate “OK”. No worries. Unless, of course, you do it in Germany or Brazil, where it is taken to mean you calling someone an asshole. Could be nasty….






But my favourite incorrect sign was one featured at a friend’s BBQ recently. Held on a farm, we had a sign directing little boys to an area behind the Duck Shed where said little boys can relieve themselves in a manner we’ve never really needed directions to do before. Nice. And this beauty pointing the other way. You’d be worried for any Sweaties in attendance really wouldn’t you? Laddies, and a little picture of a bloke in a skirt. All you need now is for Aunty Mabel to wander off for a piss only to be confronted, in what she thought was the ladies, by a caber tossing Scotsman. "All right hen, come ta see wha a real mon has under his sporran aye?" Ah, sign, sign everywhere a sign. Shame that they're never as much fun as you think they might be.