Bucko's World

Well, today is an extremely emotional day in the Robertson household as we bid farewell to our beloved Orange Escort for the final time, as it moves from the suburban tranquility of a driveway in Chislehurst to (probably...) some right Chav’s front garden where it will no doubt end up stripped out and on Celcon blocks.... This has been a truly awesome car, dealing with Motorways, A road blasts and the dump run with equal aplomb all the whilst keeping a massive turbo on tap to put a huge grin on the face, and acres of space between you and the car behind, when called upon by one’s right foot. But the real secret of the car’s appeal was something else indeed….. I’m used to people approaching me in car parks to chat about my car. Having a RX8 when they first came out was the start of it all. They would run up all excitedly and enquire if it was the New Mazda with the funny doors and then ask you to demonstrate them. This would have been nice except for one thing – all these people were middle aged men sporting beards, cardigans and train spotter note books, who would really enjoy nothing more than talking for hours and hours about the Wankel Rotary Engine. Right Wankels indeed…Shame really, because it was a lovely car but you ended up parking it at one end of the car park and running away from it as fast as possible in case one of these weirdy beardies was going to try and accost you. But the appeal of the ASBO was much different…… When I was a lad, I had three posters on my bedroom wall. One was of Brian May in full Rock Star pose, another of Charlie’s Angels (the original line up, not with any of the munters..) and finally a poster of a white Ford Escort RS Turbo (with the blue stripes) hooning it around a racing circuit somewhere on full chat and opposite lock, smoke pouring from it’s tyres. I loved that car, and although I never got to own one, Fast Fords are still something that put a huge smile on my face. They certainly have my approval. And that’s the extra something that the Focus had that the RX8 didn’t – SBAQ – or Small Boy Approval Quotient for long…. This really is the true mark of a great car – not old hippies with bad personal hygiene waxing lyrical about only three moving parts and oil injection, or indeed what Mr J Crapson, Gay May or Dickie Hopeless have to say about them – but whether a small boy grins and gives you a thumbs up, perhaps along with a “I love your car Mister!” as you drive past. Or even, as has happened on one occasion, a group of young lads doing “we’re not worthy” bowing at us when we were stopped at traffic lights (they really shouldn’t have done it in the middle of the road…). Or another time when we came back to the car to find a group of kids taking photos of themselves in front of it. When they found out it was mine thay insisted I take a picture of them all – all of them giving two thumbs up and grinning like chimps! So you can keep you motoring magazine awards and TV pundits’ opinions to yourselves; all that really matters is the SBAQ. They want a car to be loud, fast and it seems eye wateringly bright - all things the Focus is. I hope the new owner enjoys the marmite electirc orange rocket ship as much as I have; driving a car with maximum SBAQ beats a shelf full of awards any time.