Monday, November 02, 2009
Vive La Difference - Part Two
Village Ponds
Now, this is something that I would have thought we’d have had a good stab at doing better than the yanks. Surely nothing could be more quintessentially British than a leafy little village, with great pubs, walks on the sun-dappled common and a picturesque centre piece village pond? No foreign nob jockey in a ten gallon hat and snakeskin boots can do that better than that, can they?
In Chislehurst, we have two pretty spectacular village ponds. The large one is in what I suppose could laughably be called the town centre, next to the Queen’s Head pub, and is so lovely it would be fair to say it would have a Tory MP fiddling his expenses faster than you can say Tony Blair for president.
Amusingly called Prickend Pond (fnarr fnarr etc…) it’s home to many ducks, who even have their own little house floating in the middle, and provides a lovely view across the common as you enjoy your pint with the pimply youth of the local area. It even has a no swimming warning sign for extra village pond kudos. The picture of the stickman drowning it six inches of muddy water really is a sight to behold, and
Its fame even became more widespread when it was featured on BBC London News when the Duck population mysteriously declined rapidly over a couple of weeks.
Despite unfounded rumours that the local Chinese takeaway, the rather famous Hong Kong Garden of Souixsie and the Banshees fame may be responsible, nothing was ever proved. Fortunately the duck population recovered and the village prosperity was preserved……
Then there’s Rush Pond in Ashfield Lane. Styled after the famous footballer Ian Rush – who was born in the village and not, as many believe, in Wales – following his provision of money for it’s renovation after it dried out in the late 80’s*. It was once best known for the flocks of Canada Geese that arrived every year in a cacophony of honking and evil piles of shit which caused the binning of many a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s over the years, it is now probably best known for a unique feature amongst village ponds, being that you can actually walk across it without getting your feet wet. It definitely ups the ante in the village pond quality stakes and surely proves that in this category, the UK has the USA properly licked. But even here the yanks have got us beat…………
Once again we turn to the town of Celebration to show us all how it should be done. Firstly it also has two main ponds, but like everything American, they’re huge. So big in fact that one of them is actually called LAKE Evalyn!! Seriously, these are big fuckers. You could walk round both ponds in Chislehurst in two minutes flat, but this thing has a walking route around it 1 mile in length.
Hold on though, there’s no ducks or Geese!! Surely a fatal error by the yanks here you cry?? Err, well no. Standing in the water is a single beautiful stork, while around are several types of Heron, nesting Osprey and other exotic birds of every colour.
Look closer and there’s jumbo jet sized dragon flies skimming the surface, Florida Chicken turtles, or Deirochelys reticularia chrysea to you, sunning themselves on the banks before lazily plopping into the drink to meet up with its larger cousin Chelydra serpentina Osceola or Florida Snapping Turtle in the vernacular. Add in the Armadillos (you know the drill...), tree frogs and massive UFOs that whizz past your head every five seconds and once again it’s as if the Zoo has come to your own back yard.
But no ducks I hear you cry again. Well, you see, occasionally a duck will land on the lake, but it usually doesn’t remain there for very long, due in a large part to the other resident of the lake, and the coupe de grace in the battle of the village ponds. For lurking below the surface, his presence indicated by a sign, is the famous Florida alligator. Nothing found in our lovely little village pond can compete with that, and again the spoils go to the Good Ole USA.
Perhaps we claw some point back in part three??
* At least part of this statement may not be based on fact.
Now, this is something that I would have thought we’d have had a good stab at doing better than the yanks. Surely nothing could be more quintessentially British than a leafy little village, with great pubs, walks on the sun-dappled common and a picturesque centre piece village pond? No foreign nob jockey in a ten gallon hat and snakeskin boots can do that better than that, can they?
In Chislehurst, we have two pretty spectacular village ponds. The large one is in what I suppose could laughably be called the town centre, next to the Queen’s Head pub, and is so lovely it would be fair to say it would have a Tory MP fiddling his expenses faster than you can say Tony Blair for president.Amusingly called Prickend Pond (fnarr fnarr etc…) it’s home to many ducks, who even have their own little house floating in the middle, and provides a lovely view across the common as you enjoy your pint with the pimply youth of the local area. It even has a no swimming warning sign for extra village pond kudos. The picture of the stickman drowning it six inches of muddy water really is a sight to behold, and
Its fame even became more widespread when it was featured on BBC London News when the Duck population mysteriously declined rapidly over a couple of weeks.
Despite unfounded rumours that the local Chinese takeaway, the rather famous Hong Kong Garden of Souixsie and the Banshees fame may be responsible, nothing was ever proved. Fortunately the duck population recovered and the village prosperity was preserved……
Then there’s Rush Pond in Ashfield Lane. Styled after the famous footballer Ian Rush – who was born in the village and not, as many believe, in Wales – following his provision of money for it’s renovation after it dried out in the late 80’s*. It was once best known for the flocks of Canada Geese that arrived every year in a cacophony of honking and evil piles of shit which caused the binning of many a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s over the years, it is now probably best known for a unique feature amongst village ponds, being that you can actually walk across it without getting your feet wet. It definitely ups the ante in the village pond quality stakes and surely proves that in this category, the UK has the USA properly licked. But even here the yanks have got us beat…………
Once again we turn to the town of Celebration to show us all how it should be done. Firstly it also has two main ponds, but like everything American, they’re huge. So big in fact that one of them is actually called LAKE Evalyn!! Seriously, these are big fuckers. You could walk round both ponds in Chislehurst in two minutes flat, but this thing has a walking route around it 1 mile in length.Hold on though, there’s no ducks or Geese!! Surely a fatal error by the yanks here you cry?? Err, well no. Standing in the water is a single beautiful stork, while around are several types of Heron, nesting Osprey and other exotic birds of every colour.
Look closer and there’s jumbo jet sized dragon flies skimming the surface, Florida Chicken turtles, or Deirochelys reticularia chrysea to you, sunning themselves on the banks before lazily plopping into the drink to meet up with its larger cousin Chelydra serpentina Osceola or Florida Snapping Turtle in the vernacular. Add in the Armadillos (you know the drill...), tree frogs and massive UFOs that whizz past your head every five seconds and once again it’s as if the Zoo has come to your own back yard.
But no ducks I hear you cry again. Well, you see, occasionally a duck will land on the lake, but it usually doesn’t remain there for very long, due in a large part to the other resident of the lake, and the coupe de grace in the battle of the village ponds. For lurking below the surface, his presence indicated by a sign, is the famous Florida alligator. Nothing found in our lovely little village pond can compete with that, and again the spoils go to the Good Ole USA.
Perhaps we claw some point back in part three??* At least part of this statement may not be based on fact.
